Baby girl and I are leaving on a jet plane Thursday morning to go see my family for a week in Philly. I’m SO excited to see everyone and for everyone to see and play with baby girl. But I am a bit anxious about flying with a 7 month old. (I mean, I get anxious flying when it’s just me so imagine how I feel with a little baby!)
I wanted to ask you guys if you had any tips or bits of advice for me while flying with an infant. I can’t change my flight time at this point so I’m stuck with an 11 a.m. departure, which is right around when baby girl wants to do a little cat nap. I’m PRAYING that she’ll hold off on her bottle til take off. If not, I’m just going to make another one and feed it to her during take off so she’s nice and sleepy on the plane.
But besides feeding during takeoff, what other ideas do you have?
I seriously love you Sabine. You took the words RIGHT out of my mouth. Actually, you probably said it better…
Here’s the thing about “the” Time cover: It’s not the exposed breastfeeding that irks me — I like that they have a woman breastfeeding on the cover. I think breastfeeding is great and should be out there and not something that shames the mother or child. It’s not the picture: It’s the headline.
It’s the implication that mothers who practise attachment parenting are more mom than those who don’t. And it’s not just breastfeeding or attachment parenting — It’s everything. It’s going through gossip magazines and reading features like “Stars with Maxi Mommy Style” and “Best Bodies after Baby”. It is no longer enough that we are bearing children and raising them to be self-sufficient, responsible and respecting adults. We have to by stylish while we’re at it! We have to provide all-organic snacks to the darlings! Provide toys that have educational structure! Enroll the darlings in Mandarin- or Spanish-language daycares! Sugar-free and nut-free and gluten-free cakes because we can’t exclude anyone from a hand-crafted themed birthday party! And we can’t eat any of those cakes because how dare we still not be back to our pre-baby weight! It only took Jessica Alba 10 weeks* to prance around in a bikini after having her second!
It’s a women’s only keeping-up-with-the-Joneses rat race that makes motherhood overwhelming.
I don’t really buy organic foods. I let Luisa snack on cookies. I’ve never bought a toy for it’s educational value. I did have gluten-free brownies at her birthday party but really, it was because that brownie recipe makes wonderfully chewy, chocoaltely brownies. I didn’t diet or swear to run a half-marathon to lose the baby weight by 10 weeks after baby. I was back to shape after having Luisa, but my body will never be the same.
That’s ok.
It’s ok because motherhood changes us emotionally and mentally and physically is just part of that package.
It’s ok because Luisa is happy, healthy, thriving, and loving. She’s smart, she’s playful and fun. All of those things that might not make me “mom enough” don’t matter because of that.
And I’m mom enough to accept that. You should too.
So, Happy Mother’s Day! You’re doing a great job.
*Jessica Alba sucks. That woman went on a 1200-calorie-a-day diet and worked out one to three hours a day for five days a week. That’s crazy.
I bought baby girl three pairs of BabyLegs leg warmers. I couldn’t resist. And then I couldn’t resist putting her in them, like, every day.
And:
And again:
Two weeks ago was National Infertility Awareness Week. Many people came out on Facebook or to family and friends about their struggles to conceive. Many people blogged about it, too. And I wanted to do both. But I kept writing draft after draft while baby girl was napping and I just couldn’t find the right words to say what I was feeling or what this journey really meant to me.
Until I read my friend C’s blog post at Park Slope Promised Land. Wow, she hit the nail on the head. I’m copying her post, below, because it’s one of the most well-written posts about infertility I’ve ever read. And if you don’t already follow her blog, you should. Because her journey, like so many of ours, was long and painful and sad but in the end, she has a little baby boy, whom she loves so much. And I bet she wouldn’t have traded that long, hurtful journey to get him for anything in the world.
I feel the same.
Here’s her post:
You know that voice that whispers to women trudging through infertility, “Maybe they’re right”? The one that wonders if maybe she is too self-focused. Maybe she’s obsessed with what she can’t have instead of appreciating what she does. That maybe there are worse fates and worse pain and it’s self-indulgent to elevate her struggle to their level. That maybe she’s lost perspective and will come to regret the time “wasted” feeling sad all those years. That maybe she’s just an unhappy person fixating on a baby as the solution to all her problems, and once (if) she gets that baby there will be something else to focus on as the source of future happiness— a job, more money, a house, her body.
Was it only me who heard that voice? On the chance that one other person has felt this way and asked herself these questions, I’m here to say: ignore that voice. It’s a liar.
My worst day as a mom is 100% better than my best day with infertility. Which is not to minimize the difficulty of parenting a baby. Yes, I am sometimes frustrated, often tired, always stressed, frequently harried, and occasionally bored. But underneath whatever momentary storm is shaking the emotional trees, there’s a firm, steady bedrock of contentment keeping those roots firmly in place (and inspiring cheesy botanical metaphors, apparently).
I am happy. Not only happy all of the time. But ultimately and essentially happy.
I used to be sad. Not only sad all of the time. But ultimately and essentially sad.
One day your infertility journey will be over, whether through the birth of your child, through adoption, or through the decision to embrace a childfree life with your partner. There is an end in store. And you will rediscover that happy person you used to know, the one who seemed to vanish in the years of struggling. You’ll sit down with her like the best of old friends, the kind who can pick up conversations after years apart without a break or pause.
You’ll realize that you weren’t selfish, obsessed, or broken. Infertility was all of those things. You were just holding on for the ride.
We went to the Bahamas and back and I only cried on the way to the airport! But, man, leaving baby girl that morning was ROUGH.
And my heart broke into pieces when I woke her up Monday morning to nurse and she just stared at me with a blank face like, “Who. The. Hell. Are. YOU??” (She eventually smiled at me after she finished nursing but still, my heart shattered a bit.)
BUT, I will say that to all of you who said the husband and I should definitely make this trip—you were right. So right. We had a fantastic time (though it rained 3 of the 4 days) and we relaxed and we drank and we ate such amazing food. (It was the first time I’ve had caviar and escargot and let me tell you, they were both DELICIOUS!)
I won’t go into the boring details of the trip (who wants to hear about how I lounged on the beach anyway?) BUT I will tell you this: I brought along my copy of “Fifty Shades of Grey” per my friend Julie’s suggestion. I wasn’t quite sure what the book was about but I’d heard there was some crazy sex in it. So, good book to bring on a romantic getaway, right?
WHOA. Holy sex is RIGHT. I’ve never gotten hot and bothered reading a book but this one, oh my. And this is probably way TMI but the more I read the more I wanted to jump the husband’s bones. And when you’re tan and tipsy and staying in a most ridiculous resort thousands of miles away from any responsibility … well, let’s just say the book was inspiring.
Anyway, we’re back to the daily grind, which I love so much. We leave for Louisville, Kentucky this weekend to visit my sister in law. It’s Kentucky Derby weekend so it should be a fun visit minus the 8-hour drive from Charlotte. I’m going to whip up some Whiskey Sours because that’s my new drink after indulging in them on our trip.
Thanks again for pushing me to go on this trip! It was amazing.
This year Resolve’s campaign against infertility is called “Don’t Ignore”. It’s purpose is to draw attention to how infertility affects every aspect of a person’s life. Everything. Your marriage, your body, your emotions, your friendships, your work. You get the idea.
I am a pretty private…
Hey everyone!
We’ve teamed up with our good friend Rebecca from ‘Say it Ain’t Sew’ to do a fun Spring Baby giveaway, just in time for Mothers Day :)This girl is so talented and I must admit “Crazy” is her middle name. On top of working a full time job in the City she runs two businesses - Say It Ain’t Sew
Well, not yet. But we leave for our trip tomorrow morning (I’m writing this last night, if you couldn’t tell) and I’m sad. Just sad.
My father in law came over last night and picked up all of baby girl’s stuff and after he left I just sobbed. The thought of not seeing her smiling face when I wake up first thing in the morning KILLS me. She’s what I waited and prayed for for so long and here I am leaving her for four days.
Yes, I know, I’m being SUPER dramatic here, but still. I honestly don’t know how those in the military do it. Here I am boo hooing about leaving my baby for a mere four days and those men and women are leaving theirs for months, maybe a year+. Kudos to our soldiers.
Anyway, I’ll let you all know how my pumping 4+ times a day goes (the thought of pumping and dumping all of that precious breast milk makes me cringe) and how many times I cry. Man, I’m such a sally.
xoxo
Baby girl got her new Baby Legs leg warmers and I swear I put them on her no less than every other day. This time I wanted her to show her Penn State pride while wearing them :).
